Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
