in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I puked a lego.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
