I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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