the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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