I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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