Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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