to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
