i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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