remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
