it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
