fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
