I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Farmville is her only friend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
