She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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