Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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