Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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