OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
