so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
