Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
