Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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