Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
