I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
