he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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