her vagine was all disorganized.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
