we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize