You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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