i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
