haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
