I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
