she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
