I wannas sexs uuuuu
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
