HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
