my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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