the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
