My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
