You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
