i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
