I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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