His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
