I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
