Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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