They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
