There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
