I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
