Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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