belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
