she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
