I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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