I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
