I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
