he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
